Over the years as I pursued my life purpose I tended to poo poo on that worn out cliche: "life balance". I thought to myself, "how does a high achiever get their life in balance?" Think about how many accomplished people in this world actually live their lives in balance.
To get straight to the point, I was keenly going after my life purpose working as an international volunteer/missionary. I was running lots of leadership and training programs for youth. I was getting impressive results. I felt that my life was rich with meaning. My peers were urging me onward.
However in the process, I was spending months at a time away from my wife and our four teenage children. At first my wife was on the same page with me but over several years the reality of being apart began to bite harder and harder.
Many times with tears my wife reported to me that one child would start crying every day at a certain time like an alarm clock going off. Another child would periodically spend hours on end in the family dog kennel crying uncontrollably "for daddy". Another child, bursting at the seams with emotional pain, would throw temper tantrums scaring the living daylights out of everyone.
In frustration, our children were becoming increasingly disrespectful toward their mother. When I did come home, even though compliant, our children were not like they used to be. Knowing that I would be going away soon, they protected their hearts by keeping an emotional distance from me.
At first I struggled to understand why they did not want to talk over the phone anymore. I found myself having these one sided conversations saying the same things over and over. In the beginning our children used to always ask me "when are you coming home daddy?" Several years later they stopped asking. I was becoming a stranger in my own home.
Finally the wake up call came one day when for the first time in 25 years of marriage, my faithful and devoted wife, refused to pick up the phone. On that day I sat slumped in my chair in stunned silence. I quickly did some deep soul searching and determined then and there that my life had to change whilst not letting go of my life purpose.
As a consequence, I learned some valuable lessons. I realized that whilst it's great to know what you are passionate about and to be actively pursuing your life purpose, don't lose sight of the bigger picture and the long term consequences of what you are doing. Ask yourself is it worth the cost? Better still ask yourself can this be done in a better way to avoid or minimize the fall out whilst continuing to pursue your life purpose?
I ended up choosing the latter. By holding tight to my life purpose, I rearranged the game plan, re tooled and reinvented myself, became a multi tasker and now regularly consult with the family board of directors.
To get straight to the point, I was keenly going after my life purpose working as an international volunteer/missionary. I was running lots of leadership and training programs for youth. I was getting impressive results. I felt that my life was rich with meaning. My peers were urging me onward.
However in the process, I was spending months at a time away from my wife and our four teenage children. At first my wife was on the same page with me but over several years the reality of being apart began to bite harder and harder.
Many times with tears my wife reported to me that one child would start crying every day at a certain time like an alarm clock going off. Another child would periodically spend hours on end in the family dog kennel crying uncontrollably "for daddy". Another child, bursting at the seams with emotional pain, would throw temper tantrums scaring the living daylights out of everyone.
In frustration, our children were becoming increasingly disrespectful toward their mother. When I did come home, even though compliant, our children were not like they used to be. Knowing that I would be going away soon, they protected their hearts by keeping an emotional distance from me.
At first I struggled to understand why they did not want to talk over the phone anymore. I found myself having these one sided conversations saying the same things over and over. In the beginning our children used to always ask me "when are you coming home daddy?" Several years later they stopped asking. I was becoming a stranger in my own home.
Finally the wake up call came one day when for the first time in 25 years of marriage, my faithful and devoted wife, refused to pick up the phone. On that day I sat slumped in my chair in stunned silence. I quickly did some deep soul searching and determined then and there that my life had to change whilst not letting go of my life purpose.
As a consequence, I learned some valuable lessons. I realized that whilst it's great to know what you are passionate about and to be actively pursuing your life purpose, don't lose sight of the bigger picture and the long term consequences of what you are doing. Ask yourself is it worth the cost? Better still ask yourself can this be done in a better way to avoid or minimize the fall out whilst continuing to pursue your life purpose?
I ended up choosing the latter. By holding tight to my life purpose, I rearranged the game plan, re tooled and reinvented myself, became a multi tasker and now regularly consult with the family board of directors.
About the Author:
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